


Midnight confessions (never healed a soul)

by mymusicalbox



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Sorry for ooc, aki you're in love don't deny it, drug mention, some fluff too but basically angst, this is a mess, this is the crappiest summary i've ever made oh god forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 18:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12138981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymusicalbox/pseuds/mymusicalbox
Summary: Shinjiro has always been a constant in Akihiko's life and well, he hadn't never really thought about how he felt towards him. Until he did, and he realized that he wanted way more than just to protect Shinji to prove that he wasn't weak.





	Midnight confessions (never healed a soul)

Akihiko had never really thought about love, not when he had vowed to become stronger, someone to rely on, someone able to protect others. He didn’t have the time to think about relationships or to put a label on what he felt for specific people or something of that sorts, typical stuff a typical teenager would think about. He had sometimes wondered if those girls that used to follow him around and invite him to hang out with them were in love with him or were just causing a fuzz that no one really asked for, because it wasn’t as if he had many people in his life to develop feelings for them.

 

At first there was Miki, and she was brutally killed in front of his very eyes. He wasn’t able to do anything but to stare, stare, stare and regret. He was just a kid, someone useless, powerless, a piece of garbage being held back by people that couldn’t do anything to stop the fire, either. He really loved his sister, and he really, totally hated himself for having lost her in front of his sad, teary grey eyes. It was then than he started thinking that someone as weak as him didn’t deserve love. That his only mission in life was to get stronger. He wouldn’t allow himself to lose someone precious again.

 

Besides from Miki, there was this guy called Shinjiro Aragaki, another orphan living in the same orphanage as him. Shinji was… strange. He didn’t get along with the other guys, but Akihiko himself didn’t either, so they used to tag along together with Miki. At first, Akihiko didn’t understand much what Shinji was thinking, but he eventually came to, and began liking him. As a friend. He liked how he smiled when he spotted a stray dog near the orphanage, he liked how soft his shaggy hair was under the black beanie that he used to wear, he liked how warm his body was when fell asleep next to him. But he liked him just as he liked Miki.

 

But after the fire, Miki was gone. And when Akihiko looked straight at Shinjiro’s eyes that day, he swore he would become stronger. He also promised himself that he wouldn’t lose Shinji, that he’d protect him forever.

 

He didn’t say that last line out loud. There are some things that you must keep to yourself.

 

Then time went by, and in his teenage years, he realized that he was different, not only because he was a lonely child without his parents to take care of him, but that he had a hidden power inside him that ordinary people couldn’t use.

 

Did that mean that he wasn’t _that_ weak, after all?

 

When he learned about Personas, Tartarus, the Dark Hour and joined SEES as well, he hadn’t expected Shinji to follow him. His will to get stronger and protect people important to him (including Shinji; specially Shinji) was something he had decided to carry out by himself, so he didn’t want Shinji to just stick his nose there.

 

But that was Shinji; he didn’t listen, he would just hotheatedly act without listening to what others had to say.

 

And maybe, _maybe,_ from the depths of his heart, he was the tiniest bit happy to have his best friend with him again. Plus, fighting together. That was a welcomed thrill that he didn't know that existed inside him until that moment. Was he a hypocrite for having thought about that?

 

In S.E.E.S, he met yet another person that would earn herself an important spot in Akihiko’s life: Mitsuru Kirijo. The redhead was a pretty girl, and, besides from that, he _really_ was smart, charismatic, someone you could easily fall in love with. However, he didn’t feel the urge to be around her most of the time. He surely wanted to protect her, just as he had wanted to protect Miki or as he wanted to protect Shinji.

 

One day after school and a few months after having started high school and joined S.E.E.S, the grey-haired teen realized that his best friend had skipped another class, so he began packing his stuff to go after Shinji. He didn’t have practice that day, and he was pissed, because boxing was one of the few means he had to become stronger and he _longed_ for more training; it never wasn’t enough. Whatever- he was free to go to the rooftop and scold Shinji for being such an irresponsible prick. 

 

“Why the hurry, Akihiko? If I remember correctly, you don’t have practice today, do you?” Mitsuru asked, curiously staring at his classmate.

 

“Shinji has skipped class again. Honestly, I don’t know what he’s thinking” Akihiko answered, lifting his head to shortly stare at Mitsuru. She really was pretty; no wonder half of the class was after her.

 

“Huh, you really like looking after Aragaki, I see” The redhead stated with a small smile. If that smile should have made his heart skip a beat, he didn’t know, but it didn’t.

 

“I don’t ‘like’ it. He’s really annoying at times, but I don’t like standing still watching as he tears his future into pieces with his own hands, so I better get going.”

 

After that, Akihiko grabbed his bag and silently left the room. He missed the way Mitsuru flipped her hair and then aimed a knowing smile to Akihiko’s back.

 

While making his way to the rooftop, he shortly wondered if he could fall in love with Mitsuru. She had everything he could ask for, right? And she had also will to fight and protect, so why not?

 

But could something as love be… _chosen_ that way?

 

If the answer was yes or no, was yet another matter that Akihiko didn’t know, for he was too busy thinking about what to yell at Shinji for behaving in such an immature way.

 

But then all his rage disappeared and melted into the clear, September sun that was casting a few sunrays over the Gekkoukan High rooftop. Expecting to see his friend carelessly standing near the rails, he had to deal with his own to surprise when he finally spotted a sleeping Shinji over one of the few benches of the area.

 

He looked… strangely fleeting, peaceful. Ethereal, even. His beanie was discarded on the floor, his hair was messy and his face showed a fragile expression. Akihiko wondered if stepping closer to him and kneeling on the ground to get a better look of that was something normal or if it was… creepy.

 

 _…Of course_ , it was absolutely normal! It's not every day that you get to see your annoying best friend carelessly sleeping on a bench.

 

He really wanted to pet his hair; he reminded it being really, really soft. He had memories of that from when he used to pull his hair back at the orphanage. That memory triggered a small laugh from Akihiko, and a small blush. His heart was also doing… some weird stuff, but he thought that could probably be attributed to his lack of training. He still had a long way to go, huh...

 

After a few minutes, Akihiko left the rooftop and tried not to think about how disappointed he was for not being together with Shinji, sleeping next to him.

 

However, having to go after Shinji to make sure that he wasn't doing something shady wasn't the only thing he could do with his best friend. As he had already thought many times before; he didn't have to _like_ to fight together with the S.E.E.S members, because they were fighting against a strange power that was threatening humanity; make a false move and you're dead, but he... he couldn't help it. He had already felt helpless for many, many years; and having to fight to save the world easily overlapped with his major goal: becoming stronger.

 

On October 4th, though, everything went to waste. Again.

 

They were after a tough shadow which happened to be outside of Tartarus, and they couldn't allow that. Who knows what could happen if they let that thing wander around the city?  Was their power strong enough to end this for once and for all?

 

Well, it _really_ was strong. But as Mitsuru and the Chairman had told Akihiko, many, many times; strength wasn't enough if you couldn't muster enough calm to stabilize your Persona. Akihiko wasn't afraid about that, he had proven to perfectly understand how Polydeuces worked, as well as Mitsuru did with Penthesilea and Shinji with...

 

_Oh fuck. Shinji._

 

Witnessing how Shinji's Persona went completely berserk and took the life of an innocent bystander brought back the terror that the grey-haired teen had felt when Miki's life was cruelly taken away by the fire.

 

That was it. Another proof that he was still weak, weak, weak. He hadn't even thought about this happening, even though he had been reluctant at first when Shinji told him he'd be joining SEES, too.

 

For a few minutes he stood still like a statue, unable to move, silently gaping at the pool of blood on the floor, and the dead body of the woman. Then his eyes shifted to find Shinji's horrified expression, and without giving it a second thought, he took a few rushed steps towards his friend. He really wanted to hold him close, to tell him that it wasn't his faul-

 

“Get the fuck away from me!” Shinji shouted angrily, his voice laced with deep pain, suffering, and guilt. Mostly guilt.

 

“Shinji-”

 

“I said go away! Don't come any closer!” The brunet shouted again, bumping Akihiko's shoulder to shove him away.

 

“Akihiko... we really should head to the dorm right now.” Mitsuru pointed out while trying to grab Akihiko's arm to stop him, even though she failed miserably. How could he stay calm in a situation like that?

 

“Are you kidding me? You pretend to leave him alone?” Akihiko countered, his breath agitated, he couldn't believe that that was happening. His eyes had started to feel teary, too. He couldn't accept what was displayed before his eyes. Shinji was hurt, someone innocent was dead, and he... he had failed yet again.

 

“It's most likely what Aragaki himself wants. Don't worry, he'll come back.” Akihiko then clenched his fist, clicked his tongue and tried to believe Mitsuru's words.

 

But Shinji didn't come back to the dorm. Ever. Hell, he even left his fucking belongings there. Instead, he took a nighttime walk that lasted for hours.

 

The day after, on the rooftop, Akihiko met Shinji when he told him that he'd be deserting SEES. At least he had the guts to say goodbye.

 

“Shinji... I don't think this is right.” Akihiko mumbled. He had Shinji right in front of him, but he felt that they weren't close at all. He felt like he was helplessly chasing Shinji's back, as if his friend had really started to take care of himself because Akihiko wasn't strong enough to protect anyone like it had happened with Miki back the-

 

“But I do. And you don't control my life choices.” Shinji deadpanned, his eyes cold, his voice firm. He was determined to end this.

 

“I want the best for you! And this is clearly not it!” Akihiko shouted, his self-control slowly falling apart. He was cool and composed, but not when it came to Shinji. When the grey-haired was around him, it was as if he were a completely different person.

 

“This _is_ the best for me!” Shinji countered, raising his voice as well.

 

“No it's not, Shinji, it's not mother-fucking not!” Akihiko shouted, blindly approaching his friend and forcefully grabbing his arm.

 

“Shut up, Aki. I don't need you to protect me. I can handle this myself.” At that, Shinji violently took Akihiko's hand away from his arm and distanced himself from him. Since he had turned his back at the other teen, Akihiko missed the way Shinji's fists clenched in pain.

 

“You know that your past isn't you, right? That you're worth it more than your mistakes?” Akihiko whispered. He knew Shinji. He knew that Shinji could be a bastard most of the times, _he was a bastard most of the time,_ but he... he wasn't a bad person. And he wanted to stay by his side. It didn't matter if he had to tell this to Shinji every day, like a prayer, it didn't matter if he had to text him every day with sappy positive messages, he would do anything to make Shinji feel better, because he _cared_ for Shinji. Because he lo-

 

“You should tell this to yourself. You can't judge me if you're no different than me. Well, you kinda are, you didn't kill Miki with your own hands.”

 

_That hurt. Like when a bunch of shadows trap you in an ambush. Like when you feel you're going to end up unconscious in the middle of Tartarus. Like when you realize that you can't even stop your best friend from destroying himself for an accident he really wasn't responsible of._

 

“But Shin-”

 

“No buts, Aki. This is pissing me off, I need to go.” After stating that, Shinji didn't talk anymore, nor did he touch Akihiko anymore. He didn't even look at him. The firm footsteps of his friend were the only sound that Akihiko heard because he realized he was alone. Again.

 

“But where are you going to live? What are you going to do from now on? Are you really going to be okay?” Akihiko turned around and screamed at the rooftop door, his voice echoing through that empty space. Dammit.

 

“I... dammit Shinji... I guess I've always been an idiot, huh?” And then he was crying again. He knew that time was gonna go by and that Shinji wouldn't return.

 

And hell if he was right at assuming that. However, he did see Shinji even though he wasn't living in the dorm.

 

After countless nights of being unable to sleep and visiting Shinji's room, Akihiko decided that rummaging through the box of Shinji's belongings wasn't exactly what someone would identify as “moving on”. If Shinji were there, he would laugh at his very face about being a crybaby for burying his face in Shinji's blankets, comforting himself by breathing his scent.

 

Akihiko had always been described as someone horribly stubborn (well, _Shinji_ described him like that)

 

And, much to Akihiko's dismay, Shinji knew him as nobody did.

 

He would like to say the same about him knowing Shinji as nobody did, but it looked like he was wrong. He knew how Shinji tried to act rude and tough and cold, he knew how Shinji liked dogs and smiled the most warm and affectionate smile that he had ever seen (it made his heart pound and his cheeks grow hot)

 

and he knew that he liked every bit of it. He liked every bit of Shinji. No- he... he loved every bit of Shinji. He couldn't exactly pinpoint when did he start feeling that way towards the brunet, it was something that... kinda went with the flow? He felt at ease with Shinji at first, but then he started feeling kinda bubbly and weird around him, and incredibly sad when things seemed to be wrong between them.

 

So that was exactly why Akihiko Sanada decided that he _needed_ to become stronger. He would find Shinji and protect him, he would teach that asshole that he wasn't a bad person.

 

Deep inside, Akihiko knew that he was acting kinda selfish, he knew that loosing Shinji was something extremely terrifying.

 

And then his midnight training journeys started. After the dark hour ended, he trained outside, until he found Shinji in a creepy, dark alleyway behind the Port Island Station. He didn’t really expect finding his best friend in a place that was rumored of being constantly frequented by punks and… dangerous people. But he did, and Shinji was right there. Did he have a chance of getting him back after all?

 

“What are you doing here?” Akihiko asked, trying to hide the deep concern towards his best friend. However, Akihiko was too direct and transparent, and… well, it was Shinji, so he couldn’t feign anything in front of him.

 

“And hello to you too, Aki” Shinji replied, nonchalantly. He didn’t approach Akihiko, nor did he even wave his hand. Hell, he was staring at the _fucking floor._

 

“I'm trying to be _serious,_ Shinji. What are you doing here?” Akihiko asked again, taking a few steps towards Shinji this time.

 

“This is what I deserve.” Shinji said, vaguely gesturing towards his surroundings. Akihiko’s throat went dry. This couldn’t be happening. “This is where I belong”

 

“No. You don't belong here. You belong...” _with me. You belong with me._ Those words were left unspoken, but Akihiko had always thought that actions speak louder than words, so he rushed his way towards the brunet and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat, effectively bringing his friend down to his eye-level. Hell, fuck Shinji and his damn height. “You belong to the dorm with the people who _care_ about you” The grey-haired teen let go. He didn’t pay attention to the closeness between Shinji and him. It just wasn’t the time.

 

“You think Kirijo cares about me?”

 

“I'm sure she does. I can't picture Mitsuru being that cold about people to just use them as tools, she's not that selfish.”

 

“Whatever, Aki. I don't belong with a group of people who technically try to save people because I fucking murdered an innocent person” Shinji snapped, pushing Aki away. This wasn’t going as planned.

 

“That wasn't you, Shinji! That wasn't you! And what about me, anyway? Y0u know I... I care about you too, right?” The grey-eyed  teen ask. His eyes were burning, his tears were screaming to come out from the back of his eyes and his hands were hurting, he had been clenching his fists for a while. Everything was useless though, Shinji was still reluctant as hell to come back.

 

“What about you? What about fucking me! Would you stop thinking about anyone but yourself? You think that pressuring me into going back into a place in which I don't want to be is thinking about me, Aki?” Shinji’s words hurt. Fuck if they did. His desperate screams, the _pain_ in his voice. If only he could just hug Shinji and apologize to him for pressuring way too much.

 

Wait. Pressure? No way! Akihiko was just trying to save his friend, there was nothing wrong with that, right?

 

“I... I don't want to risk losing you. And I just can't leave you here knowing you could be safe with me!” _Oh shit. That just slipped._

 

“Get the fuck out of here, Aki. I'm not telling you this again. And don't even think about coming back. You don't belong here.”

 

The _neither do you_ is left unspoken between them as Akihiko turns his back and leaves, his leather gloved hands wiping a few tears away. Fuck, he's screwed up again, hasn't he? Hell, he's just had Shinji before his eyes and he... he could have told a million things to him. _I miss you. Fighting isn't the same if it isn't alongside you. Winning doesn't feel that fulfilling anymore if I can't share that feeling with you. Going to school isn't that motivating as it was when I could go to the rooftop to wake your sleeping ass up after ending my club activities. Please come back. I love you, I've always had, and I'm sure I always will._

 

_Please, don't die. Don't die, Shinji._

 

A few months passed after that, and while Akihiko knew that Shinji would get angry at him if he decided to show up at that place, he still did. He sometimes left the dorm without no explanation, headed to that alley and managed to convince Shinjiro to take a meal with him at Paulownia Mall. Their conversations weren’t happy, weren’t long, and most of the time there wasn’t even a conversation going on between them. But Akihiko was _happy_ just by having Shinji by his side. Shinji eating with him meant that he hadn’t been entirely rejected, that he still allowed him in his life. And Akihiko truly _wanted_ Shinji to be in his life again, he _craved_ for Shinji to forgive himself already and accept that he was worth it more than his past.

 

But who was him to reproach bullshit to Shinji if he was doing the same?

 

Whatever. The grey-haired suddenly stopped thinking about that when he focused on Shinji himself. On the way his throat bobbed when he was drinking, on how low and welcoming his voice sounded whenever he said something.

 

On how thin he looked. On how his eyes were becoming duller and duller. On how disheveled his hair was. Overall, on how truly _miserable_ he looked.

 

Ever since that day, they continued to meet like that. Occasionally, if he was in the right mood, Akihiko tried to convince Shinji of returning to the dorm. The latter’s response was negative, of course. But he was a stubborn idiot and he wasn’t going to stop any time soon.

 

As time continued to go by, S.E.E.S recruited more members, including someone called Minato Arisato that apparently had a huge potential that even allowed him to switch personas in the middle of battle.

 

So two years had passed since Shinji’s departure, and Akihiko had way too much time to realize that he missed Shinji as fuck, that his life wasn’t the same without him by his side. Well, Shinji was alive, and as long as he was alive, he had the chance to protect him. _To hold him._

 

After more time passed, a child named Ken Amada joined the team and that was when Akihiko knew that Shinji was coming back. The kid was the mother that die- that Shinji killed’s son on October 4th two years prior. Knowing that Shinji would definitely return if he knew that, he dragged Arisato to where Shinji and Akihiko himself used to take a meal together and convinced the brunet to go back _home._

 

Akhiko deduced by Shinji’s disgusted expression that he was 100% against going back to the dorm, but the brunet had his strong principles and he wasn’t going to refuse. In the end they weren’t that different. Shinji cared about people as much as Akihiko did.

 

No, Shinji cared even _more._ Shinji wasn’t one to blindly search for power, but he made sure that everyone was alright by small actions.

 

When they were still two lost kids in the orphanage, Akihiko remembers waking up with Shinji’s coat acting as a blanket, only to find his friend shivering by the cold next to him. The orphanage didn’t have much money so having a decent heating system was definitely out of the picture, and Akihiko was too cold-blooded to function. Thus, when Akihiko fell asleep in the orphanage’s grounds, he always found a coat-less Shinji next to him. Whenever that happened, the grey-haired teen always told Shinji to go under the coat with him, the two of them snuggling together under Shinji’s coat.

 

Hell, he really missed his warmth. He really missed having Shinji _that_ near.

 

Now he had him by his side again, but who knows if Shinji didn’t hold resentment against Akihiko for having dragged him there after all. The first night that Shinji was back in the dorm, Akihiko swiftly knocked his door, feeling nervous and giddy and anticipation was boiling inside of him and-

 

He knocked again, again and again, but a response never came. After 10 minutes, Akihiko decided that he wasn’t one who would happily stand out there and wait, so he just decided to open the door and deal with Shinji’s shit as he used to do. They were best friends, it’s not as if he wasn’t used to that.

 

What he didn’t expect was to find a completely empty room and to suddenly start panicking and _oh my god did he seriously leave again this can’t be happening._ He left the room immediately and hastily made his way towards the lounge.

 

“Where’s Shinji?” He asked through pants and faltering breath.

 

“Oh, Aragaki-senpai? He went to walk Koro-chan for a while, he has just left, though.” Yukari answered as he curiously eyed Akihiko’s expression, noticing the concern in his upper-classman.

 

“Thanks, Takeba. Do you know where did he go to walk the dog?” He asked Yukari again, trying to calm himself. Because Shinji was okay, Shinji was still there.

 

“Hmmmm” Yukari hummed “He hasn’t said anything about that, hasn’t he, Fuuka?”

 

“He didn’t, but I think he’s not that far from the dorm” Fuuka said stopping his frantic typing for a second.

 

And when Akihiko was about to lose his cool and run across all the damn places that could cross his mind, Minato said that he was in the Naganaki Shrine, only to continue listening to his music shortly after.

 

As expected of the leader, huh?

 

Deciding to trust Minato’s words (well, word, their leader wasn’t a loud speaker, but when he said something he was usually right) Akihiko headed towards the shrine and just as the dark-head had said, Shinji was right there with Koromaru. Before entering Shinji’s field of vision, Akihiko just stayed there, at a moderate distance; that allowed him to observe what was going on for a while without being noticed. His best friend was playing with the excited dog, throwing a stick to the air waiting for Koromaru to grab it and bring it back to him.

 

The genuine smile on Shinji’s face made Akihiko’s heart skip a beat. The way Shinji crouched down and gently pat Koromaru’s head while encouraging him made Akihiko’s features soften. Before he had the chance to think about it twice, Akihiko’s feet were moving on their own until he was right at Shinji’s side.

 

“So you still have that soft spot for dogs, huh? You haven’t changed a bit, Shinji”

 

“And you’re still the same busybody as always, Aki. Not only you have finally managed me to return to the dorm but also you’re already minding my business on my first night here.”

 

“Wow, so you’re in the mood for talking today? You haven’t been that talkative in a while, you know.”

 

“Shut it, Aki.”

 

“I’m not the one who started it.”

 

“ _You_ are the one who started it by coming here without-“ Shinji’s words died at his throat due to Koromaru happily running where to Akihiko was and tackling the latter to the ground. He really seemed to like him, Koromaru was a really joyful dog.

 

“Koromaru agrees with me being here. Your point is invalid, you lose.” Akihiko chuckled while Koromaru gave a playful lick to his cheek. After that, Shinji pulled him away and observed his best friend with a small smile, one of those that you could easily miss. But Akihiko didn’t. He would never miss Shinji smiling.

 

“Well, are you going to stand up or do you need help? Want my hand for leverage or what?” Shinji playfully asked. If he only knew that Akihiko was _really pondering_ if he should accept the offer or not.

 

“Nah” he said instead as he quickly pulled himself together “As you can see, I’m fine by myself”

 

“Glad you are, Aki” Shinji sighed, something akin to… nostalgia? in his voice. “glad you are.”

 

Instead of overthinking the meaning of those words, Akihiko decided that it was late out there and that they needed to rest because, well, they were heading to Tartarus the next day.

 

That night, Akihiko dreamed of an evening walk with Shinji. They were walking Koromaru, and the distance between them was nearly non-existent. When they got to the shrine and Koromaru was happily playing there, they were sitting on a bench, Akihiko’s head resting in Shinji’s shoulders before the latter cupped Akihiko’s chin and lifted his head up and placed his lips on h-

 

And that’s when the dream ended. Maybe he should stop running away from his feelings _for real_ , right? So yeah, he was in love with Shinji, but it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Okay, maybe it was a big deal when the thrill of fighting alongside him again became a new state of happiness that he didn’t know that he could reach. Damn, that night he fought as he had never fought before, and only because Shinji’s encouragement and Shinji’s “finish that thing off, Aki!” fueled him way more than protein powder.

 

Fuck. He definitely had to talk to Shinji about his feelings as soon as possible.

 

Or so he would have liked, but the next few days were kind of hectic: between Tartarus excursions and a full moon and that girl Chidori from Strega, he hadn’t really had the time. Until September 10th came, and after visiting Chidori in the hospital, he discovered that Shinji had been taking suppressants in order to “control” his persona. When that happened, he told the other team members to go to the dorm. He had really serious business to talk with Shinji, hence he dragged him to the shrine.

 

Once they got there (their entire walk there in thick, never-ending silence, the space between them gradually increasing) Akihiko couldn’t help it anymore and violently shoved Shinji against the jungle gym in the shrine park.

 

“What were you goddam thinking, Shinji? Why drugs?” He bitterly asked while smashing his hand against the jungle gym bars.

 

“I told you. I’m handling this myself” Shinjiro countered, avoiding Akihiko’s hurt gaze.

 

“By fucking destroying yourself with drugs?”

 

“What did you want me to do, then?”

 

“You could have talked to me!”

 

“Do you think that talking to you would have changed a thing, Aki? Do you really think so?”

 

“I don’t know, Shinji! I don’t fucking know! But I’m your friend and you’re supposed to trust me… as much as I trust you” Akihiko whispered, unable to hold his tears back anymore. There was no point in pretending to be strong now.

“I never told you to trust me”

 

“Stop trying to act tough, Shinjiro. I’ve known you for fucking forever and I trust you. And I’m not going to leave you. Not knowing that you’re fucking wrecking yourself even more by relying on drugs”

 

“Tsk. Just do what you think that is the right thing.”

 

“And what if ‘the right thing’ is trying to save you because I love you, you bastard?” Akihiko shouted, his cheeks growing hot despite his anger. There it was, there it was.

 

“What… did you just say?” Shinjiro asked, surprisingly.

 

“I… fuck. I love you, Shinji. I’ve been in love with you ever since we were kids. Since the orphanage. And I know that I’ve been selfish but I swear that I don’t want to protect you just to feel satisfied or due to some ridiculous hero complex. I can’t afford to lose you. I won’t lose you. You’re _back_ again and that’s all I ever wanted-”

 

“Aki”

 

“because you don’t fucking know how _goddam hard_ those two years without you have been. You don’t know how many times I’ve entered your room to made up my mind because it was really hard to believe that you weren’t there anymore-“

 

“Aki”

 

“and I know that I’m blabbering like an idiot but you better thank me because it’s taking me a lot of self-control to not punch your stupidly handsome face” _or to kiss it,_ his thoughts whispered

 

“Aki. Shut up. There are two things that I need to teach you.”

 

Akihiko nodded.

 

“First one. Don’t enter my room without permission again or you’ll be in trouble.”

 

Akihiko nodded again.

 

“Second one” Shinji came closer, then cupped Akihiko’s face with both of his hands and silently asked Akihiko if he was okay with what was going to happen.

 

Akihiko had never nodded faster in his life.

 

And then they were kissing. At first their lips only touched hesitantly while Shinji’s rough hands wiped Akihiko’s tears away from his face, but a few seconds after that, Akihiko cupped Shinji’s face too and took a few steps backwards because he didn’t really need to trap Shinji against the jungle gym any longer. After that, Shinji completely pressed himself against Akihiko and dropped his hands to his waist, still softly moving his lips against the grey-haired teen’s only to deliver a delicate lick to the seam of Akihiko’s lips, asking for permission. When Akihiko opened his mouth and Shinji’s tongue met him, a soft gasp was swallowed by Shinji’s mouth. None of the many, many dreams he had had about kissing Shinji could be compared to what was really happening. The kiss was overly clumsy and sloppy and messy because what the fuck they had just been arguing and they had spent two years practically acting just as casual acquaintances and not the long-time best friends secretly in love with each other that they were. Akihiko couldn’t help the smile that escaped his lips at the remote thought of Shinji being in love with him, too.

 

He needed more. The press of his bodies wasn’t enough. His hands in Shinji’s face were really begging to touch his hair. It was when he lifted them up to try to shove them underneath his hat that he realized that they were _shaking._

 

“Your hands are shaking.”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

“Make me.”

 

Akihiko kissed Shinji after that, a soft, chaste kiss, impatient but effective.

 

“Missed you.”

 

“Says the one that can take care of himself.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“ _Make me.”_

 

And then they were kissing again until they had to stop because the dark hour was about to start and they didn’t really need a shadow lurking around to see them making out.

 

Talk about a romantic first kiss.

 

From that day onward, they began walking Koromaru together, talking and baring themselves to the other and okay, maybe some days they ended up making out against the jungle gym and they lost Koromaru and had to beg Fuuka to locate him by using Lucia’s ability.

 

They blame Fuuka for the whole dorm knowing that they are in a kind of romantic relationship.

 

Fuuka becomes flustered.

 

Yukari says that they had always known, even before Akihiko and Shinji themselves.

 

Mitsuru chuckles.

 

Minato just listens to his music.

 

Junpei asks Yukari how did she know because _wow Yuka-tan that’s sharp._

 

Ken just watches the TV.

 

Koromaru barks.

 

Aigis says “the first day Shinjiro-san walked me, Akihiko-san got there and had a small talk with Shinjiro-san and they looked happy to spend some time together”.

 

Akihiko and Shinjiro just smiled because in the end… they have each other, no matter how broken they are, no matter how midnight conversations it takes for them to fully understand the other. As long as they remain together, everything is going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS THE WORK NUMBER 100 IN THE AKISHIN TAG I'M WAY TOO HONORED
> 
> Okay, there are so many things I have to say. Firstly: this is the first work I write in nearly a year, I stopped writing in december due to some personal issues and lack of inspiration. I was... kind of running away. But I finished P3P a few days ago and I needed to write something about these two because fuck they love(d) each other too much. 
> 
> Please forgive me for:
> 
> \- The OOC. This is my first work for this fandom.  
> \- The grammar and mistakes. The work is rushed because it is a b-day gift bor a friend and it's belated and I really wanted to end it al already. Plus, I'm not a native (I'm from Spain).  
> \- The mistakes in the timeline. I know Akihiko didn't join SEES in highschool, but I haven't had the chance to play neither FES nor The Answer, so I'm sorry :(
> 
> And I think that's pretty much it? Oh, before I forget! I have to comment and kudo all the Akishin works I've read because they are all amazing! And thank you for the amazing writers that keep this ship alive, i love all of you <3
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you have enjoyed this!
> 
> You can contact me through here: @weakeninghope on tumblr.
> 
> See ya! ~


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